Back to square one.

I don't want one setback, one misuse of behavior, one bad choice in coping mechanisms, to put me in another seemingly endless rut. I don't want to go back to that black hole that only gets more deep and dark as you fail to achieve the simple goals you set for yourself, getting more hopeless and disappointed at each failed attempt. I need to realize that I AM a perfectionist in some aspects and when I do make a mistake, it's not the end of the world, I just need to start from that point and move forward. Not dwell on the past for endless hours and days and weeks. I just have to accept that shit happens, it's going to be a rough rocky road, but hopefully one that leads to a peaceful serene beach where I can breathe. One where the fog doesn't occupy the space around me as well as my mind. Where the clarity of my thoughts is as crystal as the water in front of me. This too shall pass, and whatever I have to endure is suppose to happen. Hopefully it will help me to grow and learn and will be worth it in the end... Im just not sure which end Im exactly talking about. I know there are plenty of people who doubt me, and some who act as if their rooting, but secretly hope I fail for gossip's sake. I can only think of one person in my life who truly comprehends what I go through and understands how bad the desire to breathe can be. Only one person who just gets it. And for that I am thankful, thankful for the simplicity of just having eachother. It's nice knowing that Im not completely alone in this, and just that little bit of assurance makes hoping a little bit easier, makes everything a little more hopeful. One day at a time, One mistake learned from after another, one inititative choice to move forward, and keep pressing on.