Thursday July 2nd 2009

I swear that I am predisposed to failure. Everytime I start to get the smallest bit of motivation or excitement to go somewhere or change things for myself, My parents scoff with eachother in low voices ad whispers in the living room like I can't hear them. "I mean shes going to drive to tarpon springs? Really? Which means she has to leave by 7?" Pretty much to sum it up; Psh Yeah f***ing right she has no chance in hell, isn't going to do it, and is going to fuck shit up again. Why can't she just go to school where we want her to right by the house and take away all her excitement about going back to school in the fall? >:[

This weather I swear has been making me completely untolerable. Im so frustrated and angry and anxious and stressed out and Im not even sure at what or why. Most like with myself. I also have a sliver or something of the sort lodged into the depths of god know where in my left pointer finger and its swollen and not at all enjoyable. I really don't like waking up in these moods at all. It may be the bed that im sleeping on as well as the weather that is making me so miserable. Im really kind of just looking for something, some kind of connection to fill this void, this hole inside me that seems virtually impossible to fill. I need to find some sort of stability. I want someone who I know will just be there for me and I for them without bothering the living bejeezus out of them to tell me whats wrong or them with I. I want someone who just being with eachother is enough, no words required. I want something that doesn't make me feel vulnerable, or like an open wound waiting to be doused in rubbing alcohol, id rather much have someone who I have no problems or doubts about opening up to. Someone I have no problem trusting and just as equally trusts me. There are people like that up there. I just haven't met one that clicks with me or I click with.

The live with Regis and Kelly show is slowly putting me in a better mood, Kelly Ripa is absolutely adorable. Quirky, funny, sarcastic, and amazing all in her own.